


Top Secret Desserts

by VaultOfMelkurMistress



Series: The Missy and Ainley Adventures [10]
Category: Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Flirting, Missy just wants nostalgia and pudding, UNIT, light and fun, theft of dessert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:19:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28017606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VaultOfMelkurMistress/pseuds/VaultOfMelkurMistress
Summary: Missy wants to break into UNIT because she misses the cafeteria pudding. Ainley refuses to assist her as it's just so beneath him to steal dessert, but watches as Missy is caught eating pudding and interrogated by the Brigadier and the third Doctor who, much to Missy's delight, wears that swishy cape they like so much.Comedy - come for the pudding, stay for the Brigadier's frequent eye rolls and Missy's delight at 3's swishy cape.
Relationships: Third Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who)
Series: The Missy and Ainley Adventures [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1276067
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20
Collections: A Mayhem of Masters





	Top Secret Desserts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ineternity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ineternity/gifts).



> A prompt from Ineternity - lots of fun to write!

“I miss UNIT pudding,” Missy said as she lay draped over the Master’s sofa, a book faced down open on her chest as she stretched out and looked at him. 

“They did have rather nice desserts,” he said absently as he focused on the small device he was working on - carefully affixing a component before placing it down and glancing up, realising she had not taken her eyes off of him. 

“Missy?” he said, bemused. “You are not contemplating a visit to UNIT HQ surely?”

“Well why ever not?” she said, kicking her legs as she swung herself into an upright position - a skilled act when wearing a full length corset. “I quite miss that cape our dear Doctor used to wear - if we carefully picked a date that our younger self was not there, we can breeze in and out.”

“Are you really proposing that we break into UNIT HQ to...s t e a l pudding?” he asked, utterly bemused.

“Yes,” she said firmly. “Yes I am.”

“It is beneath me to go to such lengths for….  _ pudding _ Missy!”

“No, it’s really not,” she said. “It’s not beneath you at all - and if you think about, you’d be doing it twice.”

“I am NOT helping you with this ridiculous plan Missy!”

Missy gave him an exaggeratedly disappointed expression that made him roll his eyes in response. 

“I shall observe the whole affair from the comfort of my TARDIS, where I will be eating my own dessert that did NOT involve reducing myself to such petty theft.”

“Suit yer self dearest,” she said, casting him a glance over her shoulder as she headed out of the room to select some appropriate attire...namely the decision of which hat to wear.

“Steal enough for both of us!” he said, unable to resist.

“No chance,” she said, laughing as she affixed her hat, and pulled the lever, materialising just outside of the perimeter. “Just like in the story of the Little Red Hen, if you want it, you have to help and all that.”

“The Little Red Hen?!” he asked bewildered. 

“Earth children’s book, anyway, toodle loo!” 

Missy teleported out and the Master shook his head in amusement, heading straight to the monitoring room, where a supply of perfectly accessible snacks and desserts were always readily available. He tuned into her bio signature and tapped into the bank of monitors in the UNIT buildings, sat back, and chuckled to himself as he got ready to enjoy the show. 

Missy had teleported into a darkened corner of the base, glancing around and smiling as she saw the doors to the cafeteria located at the end of the corridor and nothing but darkness and only distant sounds of life anywhere near her. They really were being quite lax, still, all their resources were probably directed toward her younger self and so her task would be a breeze. 

She crept through the corridor, pushing the doors open and walking straight into the darkened cafeteria. Raising her umbrella, she used it as a torch to give the minimum level of illumination that she needed to reach the counter and pass straight through into the kitchen beyond it. 

It took seconds to locate the desserts, a large selection of the exact pudding she was craving, right there in the fridge. She took out exactly one, hoping the Master had a very clear view of her taking one only for herself, just to be extra petty. Glazing around, she located cutlery and grabbed a spoon, chewing her lip as she pondered that she really should eat it right then and there, that would show her other self for not helping her. 

She pushed open a door to a cupboard and went in closing it, popping open the lid and sinking the spoon in, surrounded by boxes of condiments and trays of clean cutlery and napkins. Eyes closed, she raised the spoon to her lips, taking a moment to enjoy the familiar, long missed scent of the chocolate and strawberry dessert of her past. Slipping the spoon between her lips, she let out a very satisfied sound as she filled her mouth with the first spoonful, opening her eyes as she savoured the moment, before freezing at a sudden bar of light that appeared under the closed door and the sounds of footsteps walking rapidly into the room. 

She _could_ have teleported out. Ran with her pudding and not looked back, but that would mean risking having to share it, and so she simply ate faster, managing five more spoonfuls before the door opened, spoon raised half way to her lips and mouth full of chocolate as the cupboard became flooded with light and she was looking down the barrels of two guns. 

She just KNEW the Master was enjoying this, but he was NOT getting pudding and that gave her a considerable sense of satisfaction. Less satisfying was the fact that she had been marched to a nearby room, the soldiers deciding that a woman stealing dessert was not an immediate threat and so had lowered their guns and each took hold of her arms, which was far more inconvenient because it prevented her from reaching her teleport bracelet. 

_ He was watching, chuckling in amusement as he secured his own teleport bracelet to his wrist, following her bio signature to the location he had specifically recorded it at - the cafeteria kitchen. He was in and out in moments, desperately resisting the urge to gate crash the inevitable interrogation - he was determined that at least **one** of him would successfully steal a pudding. _

_ He was back in his chair, smiling as he took his first spoonful, just as Missy was escorted into a room. He relaxed, comfortably savouring every bite as he watched the monitor with interest and considerable humour. _

She sat gracefully down on the uncomfortable looking wooden chair she had been led to, in front of a desk in a room that was quite reminiscent of an average police interrogation room, which she recalled from her binge watch of Law and Order, which had lasted the best part of two years. She feigned comfort and smiled politely, hoping that there was no chocolate on the corner of her mouth given how fast she had shovelled the spoonfuls of pudding in when they approached. 

The soldiers stood on guard, one inside and the other, she could just make out, outside the door, remaining silent and no doubt waiting for the Brigadier. Oh she hoped he was with the Doctor, it would be good to see him, it really had been a very long time since she had seen that face. She felt a flash of disappointment when the Brigadier entered alone, followed swiftly by a sense of affection which she decided to pretend hadn’t happened. She missed that time, everything about it reminded her of the Doctor, she couldn’t help it. Her whole life did NOT revolve around him...it currently revolved around risky dessert theft and hijinx with her gorgeous past self..that mostly all involved the Doctor if either of them would be honest about it, but THAT was beside the point. 

The Brigadier remained silent as he regarded her, taking in her unusual style of dress with some confusion before pulling out a chair and sitting down opposite her with a sigh. 

“Would you mind telling me who you are and how you gained access to this base?”

Missy smirked, then looked at him, wide eyed and innocent. 

“Oh dear, am I in some kind of trouble? I was just looking for the chip shop, seems to be closed. Calling the army for a pudding is a little overkill though don’t you think?”

“This is a high security base, Miss….I assume Miss?”

“And WHY do you assume THAT?” she said, casting a look of utter offence. “I’ve been married LOTS of times.”

“Oh I’m, sorry, I didn’t mean to assume...lots of times?” he asked, perplexed. 

“Yes, mostly to the same one though - which technically makes the others not quite legal, and of course, unnecessary to marry my dear husband more than once, but I just enjoy the party, and the public snogging.”

“Yes, well, to get back to the issue of you mistaking a high security military base for a fish and chip shop..”

“Easy mistake, probably happens all the time,” she said, waving her hand dismissively. 

“It may surprise you that you are the first,” the Brigadier said, frowning as he pulled out a note book and pen.

“Oh good, you’re taking notes. Start with a description, shall I help? I’ll help,” she turned sideways and leaned back casually on her chair, an arm draped across the back as she posed. “Stunningly beautiful woman, immaculately applied lipstick, lots of clever accessorising.”

“I would like to start with your name.”

Missy paused, chewing her lip - she did hate to come up with aliases on the spur of the moment. It was an art form that needed time, consideration, and anagramming. Her contemplation broke in an instant however, when she spotted the distinctive silhouette of the Doctor walking past the window to the corridor. 

“Him. I want to talk to him,” she said, pointing to the window. “Vital importance. Big scary alien stuff. Get him swishing in here with his cape. If he’s not wearing the cape I’m not telling you a thing.”

“I suggest you…” he frowned and shook his head. “What do you know about the man outside?”

Missy raised her hand to her lips and made a zipping motion, holding an imaginary key between her finger and thumb before tossing it over her shoulder and sitting with her arms folded. 

“Insistent on speaking to him then. Very well,” he turned to the soldier standing guard in the room. “Tell the Doctor that someone has broken onto the base with ‘big important alien stuff’ and needs to speak with him.”

The soldier left, his expression neutral, despite a burning desire to laugh, returning a moment later to resume his post, followed by the Doctor, whose cape did indeed swish as he entered, much to Missy’s absolute delight. 

She put her hand into her pocket, a playful expression dancing in her eyes as she again brought her hand to her lips and pretended to unlock and unzip her mouth. The Brigadier rolled his eyes.

“Doctor,” she said, with such considerable warmth that the Doctor paused for a moment, regarding her with considerable bewilderment. 

“Hello Miss..who are you?” the Doctor asked 

“Miss E,” she said, nodding with mock seriousness as she admonished herself for not managing an anagram. 

“Miss E…..” the Brigadier asked, writing down her name. “What does the E stand for?”

“Oh,” she said, her hand darting out to steal his pen and touch it to her lips in contemplation, “Hmmm. Enigmatic, enviable...shall I write these down for you? Energetic,” she said with a wink as she turned her focus to the Doctor. 

“Miss E….that’s a very interesting name, code name no doubt?” the Doctor asked 

“Mmm, yes, I’m ever so mysterious. Also. Gonna give you a terrible review of this place - I still don't have my chips!”

“Miss..E, claimed to wander in here looking for a fish and chip shop and was caught hastily eating pudding in a cupboard and now claims to have knowledge of aliens,” the Brigadier said. 

“It’s great pudding, and it wasn't THAT hasty, I’m glad this isn't the age of selfies, I’d be viral by now!” she said, before turning her attention to the Doctor. “Now, big alien information, yep. I got that aplenty. Go on Doctor, ask me alien things.”

“Madam, if you have something to tell me, could you please come out with it!”

“Uh huh, yep, it’s super important,” she said.

“Would you care to divulge this information?” he asked, standing with a hand on his hip, looking quite irritated with her with a frown that made her want to jump up, stand on a chair and cover his face with kisses. She mentally calculated how to get the elevation right - he was really rather tall, and even with the advantage of heels that her past self hadn’t adopted, not that he had that much more height advantage than she did, she realised that she would have to really grab him by his collar and pull him down, which she didn't mind at all, she thought that would actually be quite fun - gun toting audience aside. 

“Miss E,” he said, noticing her sudden distraction. “The aliens?”

“Ah yes, big scary, human eating aliens, those kinds. Saw ‘em, they got ‘em aplenty down behind the chip shop, that’s why I was going there, not for the chips - wouldn’t keep this gorgeous figure if I lived off chips, although I do quite fancy a pickled egg now - can one of the boys go fetch us some dear?”

“No we can not!” the Brigadier said, utterly offended as he stood, pacing in annoyance while the Doctor immediately slipped into his chair.

“What made you think you saw aliens?” the Doctor asked, intrigued but dubious of her story

“Oh you know the type, definitely don’t belong on earth - gorgeous, wonderful dress sense, magnetic personality,” she paused and laughed at her self description. “Beards. They had beards too.” 

“Beards?” the Doctor said, his interested immediately peaked as the mental image of the Master filled his mind abruptly. And not for the first time that day..or that hour. Frequent occurrence, but the Brigadier didn't need to know that. He always failed to share the Doctor’s enthusiasm when it came to his dreams about his oldest friend, so he pretended not to know the Brigadier's eyes were on him while fully expecting his eagerness to hear more about aliens with beards.

Still, the Doctor realised that the intruder could not have spotted the Master - he had left his room only moments before, his whereabouts certainly accounted for.

“It would have to involve HIM, wouldn’t it?!” the Brigadier said 

“The Master is safely in his cell, I can guarantee it,” the Doctor said.

“Oh, I bet you can?" she said with a wink. "To be fair, pretty hard to find a window when he WASN’T here...do say hi from me,” she said, covering her face with her hands and peering through her fingers, laughing.

“Do you know of The Master, Miss E?” the Doctor said.

“Well, oopsie, sort of. Might have some.. _.experience  _ of the Master,” she said.

“How do you know him?” the Brigadier said.

“Hmm….well, let’s see. Delightful man, highly intelligent, very charismatic, dashingly attractive and very very very very very clever? That the one?

“Well...i suppose…” the Doctor said, not willing to admit that her description was highly accurate.

“Oooooh,” she said, a playful tone to her voice as she glanced at the Brigadier and cupped her hand in front of her mouth, whispering. “He agrees - bet you can't keep his eyes off him and get him to do ANY work.”

“Well I…. _ really _ Miss E!” the Brigadier said.

“Yeah, really,” she said, nodding. “All eyes and hands too when there’s no guns pointed at the boyfriend - too many guns. Look Doctor, just take the man out on a date and keep him busy - give earth a break and enjoy a dinner dance at the same time!

“I suggest we arrange a polygraph - that can happen in the morning, some time to think in a cell overnight might make Miss E more willing to explain herself! She clearly is creating a distraction from her true purpose here!” the Brigadier said.

“Really just fancied dessert, but yeah, that’ll show me!” she said, looking from the Doctor to the Brigadier, her eyes alight with excitement. “Can I share a cell with the dashing one with the beard?” 

“No you cannot!” the Doctor said.

“Fine, I won’t steal your boyfriend,” she said, raising her hands in mock surrender, laughing. “Right let's go, take me to your best cell! Oh," she turned and winked at the doctor, lowering her voice to a whisper, "you already took exception to that idea. The very best one is occupied with a rather dashing man, am I right honey?”

“Well I never!” the Doctor said with a sideways glance at the Brigadier who looked utterly done for the night as he stood and opened the door.

Missy half skipped along, bemused soldiers pointing guns at her until the Brigadier, thoroughly fed up with the spectacle, told them to lower their weapons, as she was hardly a national security threat at that moment, well probably not...but nothing would surprise him anymore.

The Doctor stood, a hand on his hip and a look of confused contemplation, Missy blowing a kiss before the door closed and bolted. He was left scratching his head and wondering whether the Master would care to explain her presence as she clearly knew him.

She sat for a moment, contemplating visiting her past self, perhaps to offer some flirting advice - dating 101, but decided the plans he would have to grab the Doctor's attention were far too much fun to distract him from. She smiled, standing and walking to the door, leaning her head against it, her palm flat against the small window as she focused, opening her mental barriers and smiling as she immediately sensed the Doctor. He felt it, she could tell….he couldn’t work it out, but he sensed enough to be hesitant to leave the door. 

She dropped her hand from the door, finger poisoned on her teleport bracelet as she sent a wave of affection straight toward the Doctor's mind. Pushing the button, she left moments before the Doctor threw the door open, baffled but very, very sure, that he had felt a  _ very familiar _ telepathic connection. 

“Honey I'm home!”

“Yes Missy, I see that, I also watched as you were caught in a cupboard, eating cake in the most undignified manner and allowed UNIT to hold you for far too long. I would have been out of there in mere moments.”

“Yes dearest, but then I wouldn't have got to see our dear Doctor, he wore the cape, did you see? Were you watching?”

“Of course I was watching Missy, it was, I admit, good to see him - it is a shame you didn't cause any disruption - a minor dessert inconvenience for someone Is hardly up to our usual standards.” 

“Sometimes my dear Master, it’s not about a big grand plan.”

“I fault to see why - that’s half the fun.”

“Mostly its about the Doctor, as we both know, but sometimes, it's really just about a pudding, in a very warm, familiar place.” 

“Nostalgia,” he said in disgust. “Such a distasteful thing.” 

She placed her hands on his shoulder, one on top of the other and rested her chin on top tilting her head slightly to kiss his cheek. "It was a good time back then, we had some fun didn't we?

He sighed and raised an eyebrow, turning to kiss her softly on her lips, a spare pudding held behind his back. “We certainly did, my dear Missy.” 

She stepped back as he brought the unopened pudding forward, his eyebrow raised in amusement as she looked genuinely surprised, taking the pudding as she shook her head, laughing. 

“You’re welcome,” he said, smirking. “If you want something done, do it yourself.”

“Funny,” she said, dropping down onto the couch, her legs stretched out, ankles crossed as she sunk back into the cushions, taking the spoon that he offered with a grateful smile. 

“We do make a great team - hot, clever, unbeatable, quite stunning.”

“I do agree,” he said, lifting her legs to sit down, as she immediately moved them back across his lap. “Therefore sharing our treasure is only fair, would you say?”

Missy smiled and loaded her spoon with pudding, holding it out for him as he leaned forwards and took a mouthful. 

“Mm hmm she said. “We are really wonderful.”

The Master could only nod in agreement as she fed him another mouthful. 


End file.
